Everybody deals with stress whether they’re very busy or very bored. Life is difficult. Managing stress essentially means living a life that’s somewhat balanced. Many people will say “I just don’t have enough time in the day to get everything done, never mind live a life that’s balanced. I don’t get enough sleep. I’m tired. I’m run down. I’m worn out. I’m stressed!” I totally get it.
Yes, wouldn’t it be wonderful to sleep longer every day, meditate, be a couch potato for an hour a day, go to the gym, have lunch with a friend, hang out with the guys, play in a league, attend a yoga class? We’re all searching for that elusive “down time.” We all look forward to the upcoming weekend or next vacation.
Well, here are some suggestions and I’m not asking you to really add anything into your life. Well, almost nothing. 🙂
Much of “stress” has to do with the way we think about things. People who are stressed are primarily living in the future. “I have to do this, then I have to do that, then that, and so on….” Pretty soon we’re stressed. (If you’re afraid that you’re going to forget all the things you have to do then write them down or put then in your smart phone so you don’t have to hold them in your head. Am I asking you to do something? Oops. I said I wasn’t going to do that! J). The more we think about the future the more likely we are to trigger the sympathetic nervous system that governs the fight or flight response. Perhaps you can think of stress as your body’s response to what you’re thinking. Researchers say that your brain can’t tell the difference between real or perceived stress. It’s all just as real to the brain.
Seriously, though, stress is as much about having your head in the future than it is about being busy. So, try to reduce stress by focusing on what you’re doing right now. Living in the Boston area and having to contend with traffic ranks high on ratcheting up stress. “I’m in a traffic jam and I have to be home to pick up my kids from day care. If I’m late then I’ll be charged and the day care workers will just shake their heads at me for the umpteenth time!” Or, “I have all these competing deadlines and I’ll never get these projects done on time!” Yep. You can’t control the congestion once you’re stuck in traffic. And, you might be able to talk to your boss about prioritizing your deadlines, but maybe not. Perhaps there’s simply nothing you can do about it. You feel that your life is out of control. You feel like you’re packed in like a sardine in a sardine can. There’s a difference between feeling (or believing) that your life is out of control and therefore, that you are in danger, or accepting the fact that your life is out of control and it’s not the end of the world. So, is your life in danger? Is it the end of the world? Can you accept the fact that, at times, there’s nothing you can do about something and it’s okay? Then tell that to your brain!
One thing you do have control over is your breath. So, take one. Taking a long, deep “belly breath”. This helps to activate the vegus nerve that stimulates that parasympathetic nervous system which governs the relaxation response. So, take a long, deep belly breath. Haven’t you seen people who are feeling frustrated just sigh, fold their arms over their stomach and just take a pronounced breath, exasperate and say, “Hmmph!” Unwittingly, in a good way, they just may be stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system! Now say to yourself, “I’m stuck in traffic. I’m feeling stressed. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. Everything will be fine.” Is there something I can do to make the situation more tolerable? Can I listen to some of my favorite music? Can I call a friend and vent? Can I look around at everyone else stuck in this traffic jam and realize that I’m not alone in the intolerable situation?
By focusing on the present moment, we avoid triggering the flight or fight response. We subtly shift our conscious state and our brains. “Here I am. I’m in the ‘here and now’.” What are your eyes telling you? What are your ears telling you? What is your nose telling you? What is your skin telling you? What is your tongue telling you? Really, do this! It works.
This is the foundation of meditation and mindfulness: Focusing on the breath, then noticing that you’re becoming distracted by thought, then re-directing the mind back to the breath. Repeat.
Of course, there are other things you can do to decrease stress like eating healthy and drinking plenty of water, avoiding excessive amounts of caffeine that over-stimulates the body, avoiding too much chocolate, sugar, or carbohydrates in the evening that can interfere with sleep. Try to introduce more fruits and vegetables to your diet that contain fewer fats and carbs that can help your body feel lighter and more energized. The lighter and more energized your body the more it is able to tolerate increased activity and complete tasks. The more active and energized your body the less stressed you’ll feel. Stay hydrated by drinking water throughout the day. Avoid sugary beverages that contribute to sluggishness. The more hydrated your body is the less you will crave unhealthy foods, especially in the evening.
You can never underestimate the power of a smile or a good laugh to decrease stress and help you feel more positive throughout the day. Take the time to smile at people and notice that, in turn, they will smile back at you. Try to see the humor in things. Life can be downright ridiculous. That’s why we need people like John Stuart, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, and shows like Saturday Night Live to help us see the ridiculousness in life and get us smiling and laughing.
If you do have time to find a way to incorporate exercise into your weekly schedule that can make a huge difference. Your body definitely responds to either weight-bearing or cardiovascular exercise. You don’t have to do it every day and you don’t have to do it for a long period of time. And, most importantly, you don’t have to kill yourself doing it! Researchers suggest that exercising as little as three times a week for 20-30 minutes can have a multitude of benefits including weight loss, improved sleep, decrease stress, increased feeling of wellness, improved vital signs, and decreased cholesterol.
Find a way to connect to nature. Whether it’s watching a squirrel, listening to the sound of birds, looking at the trees, gazing up at the sky, or just being outside. Connecting to nature helps us connect to something bigger than ourselves and puts our lives and the stresses in our lives all in perspective. As St. Theresa of Avila, the 16th century Spanish saint, said long ago, “Todo se pasa” or “Everything is passing.” Connecting to nature has a way of reminding us that there is something greater than ourselves, and that nothing lasts including our problems. So, if you spend much of your time working in an office setting and don’t have the chance to get outside then buy yourself a small plant, put it on your desk, care for it, and keep it watered.
Do something that you enjoy. It can be doing something as small as listening to your favorite playlist in the car, playing with your children, watching a favorite TV show or texting a friend to finding a job that brings you self-satisfaction. It’s not what you do that causes stress it’s how you do it. It’s the quality that you give to something. If you have children try to turn the time you have with them into a fun and playful experience. It doesn’t have to be all about eating, dressing, washing, doing homework and getting ready for bed. Look forward to doing something. Plan something that’s fun to do. Is there something in your day that you can turn from work into fun?
Lastly, is your life stressful because you need to make changes to your life? Are you stuck in a job that’s not right for you? Do you feel stuck in a relationship that is one of convenience and doesn’t seem to be going in the right direction? Do you have friends that bring you down? Are you struggling with finding meaning in your life? Associating yourself with friends whom you enjoy and share similar interests, being in a relationship where you feel respected and one in which you both share common values, feeling that you are doing something in your life that has purpose all help lessen stress. Being busy doesn’t necessarily make you stressed; but believing that your life is out of control, has no purpose, and isn’t valued does. Do you need to make a change?
So, that’s my recipe for managing stress: Incorporating mindfulness into your day; periodically taking deep, belly breaths; avoiding thoughts that can inadvertently trigger the flight or fight response; eating healthy by including more fruits and vegetables; smiling more, and seeing the humor in life; connecting to nature; turning something that’s work into play; and deciding on whether or not you need to make some changes.
Good luck!
Jeffrey J Howlett, M.Ed, LMHC, LMFT 